I didn’t even try.

When I was in my early 20s, like 24, I had a daughter named Brooklyn. It was the best time I’ve ever had and to be honest, that Jason was the purest, most put together, best Jason that there ever was or will ever be. Had that Jason survived, we would be telling an entire different story. But he didn’t survive he was brutally murdered. And I did absolutely nothing about it. Nothing. I never even tried to save him and that is by far the worst, weakest moment of my life that where I didn’t take action and I regret that more then anything that I regret from my life. In fact it is the only thing that I regret. Every other thing that I’ve done I regret zero. When Brooklyn was about to turn 4 her mom, who had been out of her life for pretty much the entire time, decided that she wanted to become part of her life. I was all about it because I had recently become aware that I was failing miserably at teaching my daughter to be a girl. She was a straight gangster, a chip off the ol block. She was harder then I was because she had zero filters, she would say whatever the fuck she wanted to say and it was always spot on because she could see people better then anybody else. She also hated cops which I taught her through my hatred of cops. I realized my blumber when she spit on the only cop that I have ever had any respect for. I remember him looking at me like “Jason, what the fuck are you teaching this child?” And I remember thinking the exact same thing. She was a girl and she hated the cops, if she needed their help she wouldn’t have went to them for help and that’s what they are there for. It was a serious disservice to her to teach her to hate cops and it completely fucked me with the department of human services because the way they looked at it was, what kind of a parent teaches his daughter to hate cops? And so when I overdosed and died while my daughter was at the house, and DHS and the pigs took my daughter, they looked at me like I was the worst father out there. They quickly decided that I didn’t deserve to have my daughter and so they shadily terminated my parental rights while I was locked up in prison, claiming that I was non-compliant in my dependency and neglect case. I was in prison and they never tried to communicate with me at all. It’s not like I could just show up to court whenever I wanted. Shit I couldn’t even call them without putting them on my phonelist. They completely fucked me. And I did absolutely nothing about it. I had 5 years to contest them terminating my parental rights but I never knew about that because when they did that shit, instead of fighting it, fighting for my daughter. Instead I ran as far and as fast away from that shit as I possibly could. When everyone started saying that I was a shitty parent and that my daughter was better off without me, part of me started believing that shit. And that’s why I didn’t do shit. Because I’m a coward.