Changes

I have a shit ton of positive changes that would benefit me greatly, changes that I actually need to make in order to reach levels in my life that are necessary for me to truly be happy. I have made changes throughout my entire life, I am forever trying to better myself, to change things about myself that have left me stuck, that have caused me problems and taken away from my character. It’s a never ending job. I will always have something that I need to work on, something that I do, some behavior that I have, some flaw. I am far from being perfect, there are all kinds of things that I do that cause my life to be less then what it could be, what it should be and I should never accept that it’s good enough, it can always be better, I can always be better, do better. So instead of tooting my own horn with some positive change that I’ve made, instead I will list positive changes that I would like to make. First and foremost, I need to fall in love with myself. I have gone way to long hating myself and refusing to forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made. The reason that I refuse to forgive myself is because the forgiveness is not mine to give, its Brooklyns. Now that she’s about to turn 18 I will be able to finally get some kind of closure on the whole thing, I will finally be able to talk to her and while I am sure that there’s gonna be some bumps on our road to getting to know each other I have no doubt that she will forgive me. I feel like Brooklyn is the key to a lot of my problems and so I need to start loving myself. How can I expect anybody to love me if I can’t love myself? Loving myself would be a huge positive change that I could make. Next, I can go back to school. Furthering my education is a positive change that I could and will make in my life. And definitely not last but last for this little blog would be a complete lifestyle overhaul. I’m completely over all this shit. I no longer have any desire to live the lifestyle that I’ve been living for the past 30 years. It’s grown burdensome and exhausting with very few pros and an extremely high number of cons. The squeeze is no longer worth the juice and so changes must be made. A lifestyle change would be extremely positive because the one I’m running currently is negative as fuck.