Know when to hold them

I like to consider myself a connoisseur of addictions. It sounds so much better then junkie. I’ve never met a drug yet that I’ve turned down. Wait, except spice. I turned spice down flat. Fuck all that shit. Fishing in front of the pigs and shit. Not even knowing what a fucking retard you are being, all right in front of the man. No thanks. I have enough problems with that motherfucker already, I don’t need to be adding more. I mean besides the more that I will inevitably already be peppering throughout the future. But other then spice I’ve been game. Don’t know what it’s called? Fuck it, I’m down. Don’t really even know what it’s gonna do? Shit, guess we’re about to find out. I’ve been, in one form or the other, addicted to pretty much everything you can be addicted to. Booze, drugs, sex, food, and now gambling. I made it like 40 years without ever fucking with it. I was doing dope by 14 but I didn’t fuck with gambling. First time I ever got locked up some experienced young con broke down the rules for me, explaining that as long as I stayed away from 3 things I’d be alright. Gangs, fags, and gambling. I seen some people do some dumbass shit and get themselves into huge wrecks all over gambling. In fact besides being a chomo or a rat, or maybe some gang related shit, gambling probably has the number one spot locked up for reason that people get murked in the joint. So I stayed clear. Until I didn’t and now here we sit. Gambling my friends, gambling is by and far the most fucked up addiction I’ve ever had. The inner thinking’s of a degenerate gambler are nuts. The way that I talk myself through pissing away hundreds, fuck it, thousands of dollars that I’ve basically just handed over to the casinos is disturbing and a little worrisome. The cravings to go to the casino are ridiculous. Borderline junkie status. There aren’t but a few things that I crave more. The cravings are anxiety filled barbs that drag through my mind, pricking and tearing, demanding not to be ignored. And so regardless of whether I need the money for something else, regardless of whether it is the last money that I’ve got, regardless of whatever, I feed that beast. And it gorges. Devouring my financial stability which had been the lone survivor in the ravaged stability department. So we drift. We float. A little bit farther every time. This of course is just one of the many problems that propel me towards an inevitable crossroads in my life. I could say that I’ve just come to far left to ever get right again so fuck it. Tis life. Choices made and all that. Reap what you sow type shit. But unfortunately actions cause reactions which are sometimes earth shaking, world’s colliding and shit and I still haven’t figured out how to not feel like shit for the collisions. Anyways, my name’s Jason and I’m a degenerate gambler.

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