Failure to appear

I am absolutely 100% a flight risk. I’m not for sure on how many times I have missed court but my guess would be that I’m nearing 100. The judge, a couple of missed court dates before this told me that he thought I had about 75. I fucking hate court. It’s been a hate hate relationship since I was 12 years old when I first went to court and they in turn first sent me to jail. Since then it’s just been like motherfucking groundhogs day up in this bitch. I go to court, they send me to jail. There is no passing go and collecting my $200, it’s just straight to jail. There is never any rehabilitation, no probation, no community corrections, it’s just see ya Mr. Sterner, catch you on the flip side. So there’s no mystery to me what is going to happen to me if I go to court, they are gonna max me out and tell me some bullshit about how they aren’t throwing me away or giving up on me. Ha. They’ve been throwing me away and giving up on me since I was 12. When I was 11 and I got arrested, having been arrested numerous times before, the cops told me that they couldn’t wait until I turned 12 because they weren’t even going to call my mom, they were just going to take me straight to jail and let them deal with me. When I turned 12 and caught my first case they looked pretty happy as they did just as they said they would do and transported me to juvy down in Denver. It was a watershed moment in my life. It showed me that juvy wasn’t as bad as I had feared it would be and it also displayed the man’s intentions to lock my ass up. I have never received a second chance. Since the first time I went to court I could see that these motherfuckers didn’t like me. It was almost like they feared me. Whatever it was I could tell from the get that these motherfuckers were gonna take every single bit of me that they could get if I gave them the opportunity to do so. They have never had any compassion towards me, every time I come away feeling like they got something against me, like it’s somehow personal. They could care less why I am the way I am they just want to smash that out of me. They have no desire to rehabilitate me or to help me to rehabilitate myself. They seem to think I’m a lost cause. Unrehabilitatable. I can’t be fixed. I’m not worth the effort to even try. And so every time that I have stupidly tripped up and gave these motherfuckers the opportunity to pass judgement over my life, they have swung for the fences maxing me out every time and stealing years of my life. Public enemy number one. My felonies consist of 2 dope cases and a stolen car. The car I never even stole. Shit never even saw as I was locked up when it got jacked and once again when they recovered the car. I just took that case for my baby momma cause I’m stupid and apparently don’t value my life freedom or time. So all that says is that I’m a stupid drug addict. Not this hardened criminal that they think me to be. I’m no more a threat to society then are the police. I’m probably less of a threat because chances are I’m not going to kill you but can we say that about the pigs? Yeah probably not. But regardless, if I go to court, they send me to jail, so it’s no surprise that I don’t like court. And if these motherfuckers are going to lock me up every chance they get then why in the fuck do you think I’m just going to go to court willingly? Just walk in there and give myself up? I have never given those motherfuckers anything in my entire life, not one thing. Everything that they’ve gotten from me, those motherfuckers stole it. Say what you want I give no fucks. I have grown accustomed to the loneliness this lifestyle affords to me and to the scorn I’ll receive from the masses. It’s easy to judge a life you’ve never lived. It’s easy to explain how you would do it so much better. It’s not hard to sit in the comfort of your own life knowing that you’ll never have to trade places with me and to criticize me and my choices. It’s nothing to run your mouth from afar because there’s little chance of us crossing paths with me of the knowledge and me punching you in your fucking mouth. So have at it. Carry on. I give zero fucks. I am the captain of this ship, the author of this story. I am the one who has to do the time so I may as well call the shots, that way at least I’m not all salty with someone. I’ve got nobody to blame but myself. I like it like that.