Oh how the mighty have fallen

It’s a trip what can happen in a years time, how much can happen, how much can change. Same time of the year one year ago, my life is a complete flip. Where I was financially secure, more then doing ok last year, this year I’m hit. Broke as fuck, just barely getting along. Riddled with debt, having suffered numerous setbacks and constant difficulties just to get paid money that is rightfully mine. Last year I was comfortably settled into a location that I was growing steadily to know as home. A place in Silverthorne, my stomping grounds, basically a dream spot. Obviously a dream spot, because a year later and it may as well have been a dream, with me basically being homeless, or right on the verge of it. The only places I have to go aren’t the best places for me to go with me being in the situation that I am currently in. My mobility is another thing. Last year I had my truck or the steady availability of a legit vehicle, this year I’m fucked. The cops have my truck on a police hold, claiming that it’s evidence to some crime. I don’t foresee having my truck back for at least a year and possibly longer. These motherfuckers won’t even let me get my shit out of it, apparently all my worldly possessions are evidence to some crime, therefore they are out of my reach. A year ago I was pretty depressed, unhappy with my life and overly stressed about the lifestyle I’ve been living. I was pretty much over dealing with my “friends” having come to the conclusion that 90/95% of them were not really my friends and were just using me for a number of different things. The only thing that I was really sure about was the girl I was spending my time with. Although I was still depressed and full of anxiety, my girl was the only thing that was balancing me out, she was the light at the end of my dark and dingy tunnel, the yin to my yang. She was the only thing that made me smile but I never let her know any of that. Instead I let her know about my misery and depression, about my anxiety and angst. I couldn’t tell her the things that were fucking me up the most and I kept her at a distance because there’s something wrong with me and the way my brain works. The better my life is going the more likely I am to self sabotage myself and do shit that’s only gonna cause me problems. And so while a year ago I was in probably the best relationship I’ve possibly ever been in, one year later here I sit, depressed, stressed, unhappy, insecure and alone. Destined to forever regret the way that I handled the last year of my life which has gotten me to the place I am currently at.

Published by devilmonkey666

I'm a hot mess. A 41 year old child who still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up. Or even if he wants to grow up for that matter. People say I'm a writer. I'm not so sure. But it is therapeutic and helps me from going all the way left sometimes.

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