Thanksgiving

Holidays used to be a big thing for me. I used to look forward to them, counting down the days until they arrived. I would be excited at the prospect of getting to be with loved ones and spend the holiday with them. It didn’t bother me that most holidays are bullshit celebrations used by the powers that be in order to fleece the general population for their hard earned money. I couldn’t care less about all that because for me, holidays just meant an opportunity to spend time with those I love and the chance at smashing some delicious food and put a little weight on my skinny ass frame. As time has gone by their importance has dwindled along with the size of my circle of loved ones. There was a time where I would have the opportunity to go to 3 maybe 4 Thanksgiving day dinners, getting invitations from all kinds of different people. Now I am lucky if I get invited to one. This year I didn’t invited to come eat anywhere, not even to my sisters. That’s a cold shot right there. I sit here, my stomach growling at me thinking where did it all go wrong? How is it that I couldn’t even get one invitation? I mean I know that I’m a hot mess, that my lifestyle and the choices that I have made have alienated me and pushed people further and further away but the person that I am and my character itself haven’t changed much at all. If anything, I’m a better person then I used to be, more grown up and less of an asshole. I’m more understanding and less opinionated. I’m constantly looking to better myself and grow. And my need to be around the people that I love hasn’t done anything but grow. Unfortunately their need to be around me seems to dwindle as the years go by and if this trend is actually a thing it’s not gonna be long before I am eating tv dinners in run down hotel rooms all by myself. Happy Thanksgiving? Yeah probably not.