And I’m out

I think I’m gonna leave on Friday, possibly Saturday morning. Regardless by this time next week I’ll be gone. Off to new adventures, new experiences, new people. A new life. I am excited. There’s gonna be some shit I will miss, some people, but not many. This has all gotten to be rather cumbersome, so much so in fact that I am more suicidal at this stage of my life then I’ve ever been before this. We’re it not for the people I would victimize by doing it I would have killed myself a while ago but how am I gonna take away my own suffering and give it to the people I love? Yeah I’m not. So instead I’ve just been spiraling down the rabbit hole, deeper and deeper into the sickness inside of me. I’ve gotten so far down that I no longer can see the light, I’m no longer even trying. Momma didn’t raise no fool so instead of continuing down this path like a drunken sailor looking for pussy, instead I’m gonna turn around and head back towards the light. I mean if I’m not gonna kill myself then what’s the point of being miserable? Exactly, there’s none. I’m not even really sure which way I’ve been coming from. I have no idea how to go about finding the light again, I’m not even sure that I ever really saw it in the first place. But the last place I thought I saw it was west so I’m just a few short days I will be heading west, in search of my long lost happiness. This is one of those shit or get off the pot moments, sink or swim. Get busy living or die trying.