I am toxic as fuck. You should probably stay away from me because believe it or not, I’m dangerous as fuck. Chances are, I will change your life. Probably not for the better. I have a tendency to implode and so it’s only fair that I warn you. I don’t have anything that you need, I only posses things that you want, so you should probably stay away cause I don’t want to see you get hurt. And the chances of that increase greatly as well when you’re around me. It’s not that I’m maliciously seeking to hurt you or that I don’t care, that’s actually why I say this now but I’m self-destructive as fuck and I’m reckless. I have such little hope that I may as well have none. My dreams are dead. I’m not actively searching out death but I’m not running from it either. I’m not a good man. I’m a solid dude but I’m nowhere close to being a good man. While I still try and be a better version of myself then I was the day before and will always do that, I’m not even sure that I want to be a good man anymore. I’ve been a bad guy so long that I’m comfortable there and if I can’t find a reason to want to become a good man, then why shouldn’t I just be comfortable with being a bad guy? I don’t know. That’s the mantra right now, I don’t know. Don’t know if I’m going left or right. Don’t know what I want to do with my life. Don’t know who to trust or why to trust them. Don’t know much of anything. I do know that I love you. All of you. And I want you to be ok. I don’t know if I even care if I’m ok anymore. I don’t know if I even can be ok anymore. The one thing I do know is that I don’t know nothing. And it’s not that I don’t want to be around you either. I crave connection above everything else and I’m indiscriminate in my selection when it comes to the company I keep so it not that I don’t want you around. It’s simply because try as I might, I can’t seem to get away from the person I am. The person I was. Or the person I will become. Everytime I look, there I am. And it’s been exhausting running away from all of that. I’m tired as fuck. I already have a long list of unfortunate events that have happened due either directly or indirectly to me myself and I. Not regrets because I regret nothing, but as close as you will get with me and so they sit with me uncomfortably. I don’t need more. I’m already past my limit in that department and the over-draft charges are brutal. I won’t turn you away but I’ll still advise you keep your distance.
You’ve been warned
Posted bydevilmonkey666Posted inAddiction, Adventure, Anarchy, Anxiety, blogging, Crime, Destiny, Dubstep, Lifestyle, Marijuana, Mental health, Motivational, Music, Politics, Product Review, psychology, Travel, Uncategorized
Published by devilmonkey666
I'm a hot mess. A 41 year old child who still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up. Or even if he wants to grow up for that matter. People say I'm a writer. I'm not so sure. But it is therapeutic and helps me from going all the way left sometimes. View more posts