You’ve been warned

I am toxic as fuck. You should probably stay away from me because believe it or not, I’m dangerous as fuck. Chances are, I will change your life. Probably not for the better. I have a tendency to implode and so it’s only fair that I warn you. I don’t have anything that you need, I only posses things that you want, so you should probably stay away cause I don’t want to see you get hurt. And the chances of that increase greatly as well when you’re around me. It’s not that I’m maliciously seeking to hurt you or that I don’t care, that’s actually why I say this now but I’m self-destructive as fuck and I’m reckless. I have such little hope that I may as well have none. My dreams are dead. I’m not actively searching out death but I’m not running from it either. I’m not a good man. I’m a solid dude but I’m nowhere close to being a good man. While I still try and be a better version of myself then I was the day before and will always do that, I’m not even sure that I want to be a good man anymore. I’ve been a bad guy so long that I’m comfortable there and if I can’t find a reason to want to become a good man, then why shouldn’t I just be comfortable with being a bad guy? I don’t know. That’s the mantra right now, I don’t know. Don’t know if I’m going left or right. Don’t know what I want to do with my life. Don’t know who to trust or why to trust them. Don’t know much of anything. I do know that I love you. All of you. And I want you to be ok. I don’t know if I even care if I’m ok anymore. I don’t know if I even can be ok anymore. The one thing I do know is that I don’t know nothing. And it’s not that I don’t want to be around you either. I crave connection above everything else and I’m indiscriminate in my selection when it comes to the company I keep so it not that I don’t want you around. It’s simply because try as I might, I can’t seem to get away from the person I am. The person I was. Or the person I will become. Everytime I look, there I am. And it’s been exhausting running away from all of that. I’m tired as fuck. I already have a long list of unfortunate events that have happened due either directly or indirectly to me myself and I. Not regrets because I regret nothing, but as close as you will get with me and so they sit with me uncomfortably. I don’t need more. I’m already past my limit in that department and the over-draft charges are brutal. I won’t turn you away but I’ll still advise you keep your distance.

Published by devilmonkey666

I'm a hot mess. A 41 year old child who still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up. Or even if he wants to grow up for that matter. People say I'm a writer. I'm not so sure. But it is therapeutic and helps me from going all the way left sometimes.

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