A happily ever after?

I’ve always said that the only way that we are gonna fix this fucked up problem is through the children. We have to teach and influence our children positively so they become better then we are. They do the same for their kids and eventually, voila, things get better. That’s probably legitly the only thing that will work. I have 2 daughters. Amazing, magical little creatures, both of them smarter then I am myself, like IQ wise and everywhere else I’m sure. They have all the potential in the world and in fact as far as I can tell, both of my daughters appear to be great kids. Surprisingly well behaved and mannered children. Their mothers appear to be doing great. Maybe it was best to keep them away from me, it doesn’t appear to have hurt them much if any. Regardless, I’m not in contact with my children like I both want to be and legitimately should be and haven’t been. Influential years of their lives, years where they will need me and have needed me, I’m nowhere to be found. Call me conceited but I truly believe it is a disservice to both me and my children for me not to be in their lives. I believe that everybody’s lives would be better if this were the case. But it’s not. The disservice this does to me is it steals my hope. It darkens my light at the end of the tunnel. It fills me with bitterness and angst. I takes away my reason for a bunch of different things and it makes me a worse person. 100% the absence of my children from my life makes me a worse person. It makes me care about you less. It makes me want to set everything on fire and watch it burn. I don’t know what it does to my girls. Hopefully nothing like what it does to me. We digress, it remains to be seen what is meant to be or what was meant to be, all we have is what is. Maybe I was made for destruction and not creation. I’m pretty good at fucking shit up. Or maybe not. Turns out Grant’s Pass as a big ass juvenile prison there. I’m not informed but I image that if you’re a juvenile delinquent, Grant’s Pass is a place you’ll know. Maybe I should try to influence those kids.

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