Family

Family ain’t always blood. In fact it’s been my experience that blood means very little to most so more often than not, your friends are more family then blood will ever be. That’s not to take away from the importance of blood and heritage. It’s just what it is. Today I’m on an adventure with the homie, his wife, and my little godson, Kaidyn. We are headed to some lake to go bass fishing. I’ve never gone bass fishing. I’m not much of a fisherman. I don’t really have the patience. I grow bored fast if I’m not out there just slaying fish and that rarely happens so I was never really into fishing. I didn’t have the time, what with all the gangbanging and drug slanging. So we’re going fishing as a family because here in Oregon, on this weekend only, it’s free to fish. You don’t need a fishing license. So as some good old fashioned healthy life experience, we are going fishing. I don’t have a lot of practice in healthy life experiences, most of my life experiences have been of something not necessarily unhealthy, at least as I see things, but definitely not healthy. I’m brand new when it comes to the American dream and the comings and goings of normal people, of a socially acceptable society. Baby steps. But it’s all foreign to me. It’s not necessarily uncomfortable because I’m with family but it’s something close to that. Like a feeling that I’m trespassing. Like I don’t belong and I should probably just get the fuck out of here before I fuck up these people’s day. Before I fuck up that kid, poisoning his thinking with my opinion and beliefs. All normal people stuff feels odd to me, I feel awkward and out of my element. It almost makes my skin crawl, sometimes it does. What do I know about the American dream? I’ve spent my life laughing at it and it’s absurdity. Of ranting against it and fighting against it. And my thoughts on it and the whole situation haven’t changed. I still think is a joke. A scam. Just smoke and mirrors to distract you or maybe to confine you. To control you. Believe that wholeheartedly. And I still hate the government, the man, pigs, shit even teachers. I believe that they are there with impure intent, whether they are aware of that fact or not makes no nevermind. I’m an anarchist as well, so I’m not exactly a law abiding citizen and probably never will be. While I want to change parts of my life I’m not so much looking to change who I am. I like who I am. I’ve spent a lot of time and effort in the crafting of who I am. I’ve bleed and sweat for it. I’ve sacrificed and suffered. All in the creation of the man I am today the the man I’ll become tomorrow. I’m not ashamed of myself at all. Not even a little. Although I’ve definitely had some embarrassing situations in my life, I’m not embarrassed, not really, not at all. I don’t care what anybody thinks about me besides me. Your opinions mean nothing to me, your judgements are yours. I don’t do things for the acceptance of the cool kids. I don’t need your acceptance and approval. I’m not looking to make friends, although I’m not against the idea either. I’m just trying to do me. Whatever that means? I’m just trying to find me, maybe that’s closer to the point.