This is me, not giving a fuck.

I was born with the gift of indifference, which I consider to be both blessing and curse. If I wasn’t born with it I developed it soon after birth because I really can’t remember a time when I was concerned with the thoughts, feelings or opinions of others. I could care less what you believe in. Your opinions, don’t give a fuck. Your feelings, until recently, were laughable to me, influencing me in no way whatsoever. Especially when it came to me. What you think of me and the shit I do, your opinions on who I am or how I act, your belief that I’m so fucked up and yet you are so on point has always made me smile. My reputation and social image have never been good. Probably because I don’t give a fuck. The acceptance of others and the need to feel like part of the group have never been driving factors in any of my life choices. That’s not to say I didn’t consider others in the choices I’ve made it’s just saying that regardless of what you think or what you want me to do, it’s still all gonna boil down to what I want to do, how I’m going to think or feel about it. Not you. Your disapproval of me and my choices actually motivates me to push the envelope even farther. I enjoy that you don’t like me, that you don’t agree with me, that you are nothing like me. It makes me feel special. Cause love me or hate me, you’re still thinking about me, still talking about me, still impacted by me. I’m not sure if you know this about me but I’m kind of a big deal. I decided a long time ago that I could truly and honestly give two fucks what you thought of me. Bad-mouth me. Alienate me. Do what you will, I don’t give a fuck. But I promise you one thing. You won’t forget me. Sure you might have nothing nice to say, sure you might want to keep your people away from me, shit I’m sure a lot of you won’t like me even a little, some of you will hate. Not one of you will forget me. I will remain on people’s mind and come out their mouths a long time after this body is somewhere rotting away. And I still won’t give a fuck what you have to say. I believe indifference to be a blessing because throughout my life I have received a lot of criticism and contempt. The stories created about me and yes I mean created because chances are the person telling you the story wasn’t even there to see it happen, are just that, stories. Bedtime stories told to children to discourage them from doing whatever it is they want to do. The rumors about the things I have done are always bigger then the actual thing that I did. My reputation is a lot scarier then the actual person I am, highlighting the negative things I’ve done while omitting anything that I did which was positive or worthwhile. I’ll never live up to anybody’s expectations of me, good or bad because once again, I give no fucks. You’re not proud of me? Boo-fucking-hoo. You think I’m wrong? Think I’m dumb? Think whatever you want, I encourage it, but don’t expect it to change a thing cause it won’t. I absolutely want friends, I want to be liked. I want everybody to sing my praises, complimenting me and kissing my ass. Of course I want that shit who doesn’t? Difference between me and most of you is that I don’t require it. It’s not a game changer, it has zero influence over me whatsoever. But a lot of you, shit, most of you, you need that shit. It’s what makes you tick. So fully invested in the illusion that is society that being an outcast, not having acceptance of people who shouldn’t mean shit to you, makes you kill yourself. Causes you to do all kinds of insane things in order to receive it. And I’m the crazy one. Y’all are normal. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Published by devilmonkey666

I'm a hot mess. A 41 year old child who still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up. Or even if he wants to grow up for that matter. People say I'm a writer. I'm not so sure. But it is therapeutic and helps me from going all the way left sometimes.

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