Know when to fold them

This gambling addiction is no joke. In my 41 years on this planet I’ve been addicted to something or the other for about 33 of those years, maybe more. From sex to crack cocaine. Food to heroin. I’ve never met a mistake I wasn’t willing to make. I’ve been to rehab, did T.C. in prison. Outpatient, inpatient. Mental institutions, therapy. I’ve done all that shit. Then on top of all the “education” I’ve gotten. I was educating myself and so minus being locked up I’ve been in active addiction as long as I can remember. Since the age of 8. So not to toot my own horn or anything but I’m kind of an expert on addiction. I could teach a class. In fact I have taught classes, granted not the most socially acceptable classes, I’ve still taught. So with the plethora of knowledge I possess it’s no small thing when I say that gambling is on top of all the rest. I am not your typical junkie. I do drugs, I don’t let them do me. I could be high as giraffe pussy and none of you would be the wiser. I can reach rock star levels of consumption with just about any drug and still maintain. Booze used to be the only one that I couldn’t control. And so I quit. Not all easy and quick like, it was a battle. I lost a bunch before I figured it out. A bunch. But now gambling joins booze on the list of shit that will ruin your life. I will absolutely give up the farm for the casinos. I will drain bank accounts, max out cards. Hustle and con. No fucks given, throw them dice. It’s problematic. It is most definitely causing issues in my normal everyday life and before this is all said and done, I guarantee you that the casino will leave its scars. It’s already began. So what? Gamblers anonymous? I’m more of a replace one addiction for another kind of guy. Rock bottom with this one could go deep as fuck considering I don’t give a fuck about money yet am especially good at gathering it. I have had more $1000 loss nights then I’m willing to admit. $300 is nothing to lose, I can do it in 10 minutes, less if I want. I regularly piss away hundreds. I sometimes catch myself thinking about all that money. You know what I could of bought with that shit? Cars, vacations, shit I probably could of put down a down payment on a fucking house. Instead I’m constantly on the hustle. Constantly looking for more money to piss away at the casino. Fucking retarded. I know this. I see it plain as day. I’m super aware. Even as it’s happening I am super aware, just watching as I burn $20’s, occasionally telling myself to stop and that I’m fucking retarded but still doing nothing to stop this madness. Instead submerging myself in it. I haven’t yet figured out what it is I’m gonna do about all of this. It doesn’t help that I win and hit big jackpots because I just end up giving it back. Anyways. I’m at the casino. In the parking lot. I got like $80. To my name. Way I see it, $80 ain’t shit. But $200 is.

Published by devilmonkey666

I'm a hot mess. A 41 year old child who still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up. Or even if he wants to grow up for that matter. People say I'm a writer. I'm not so sure. But it is therapeutic and helps me from going all the way left sometimes.

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