The Portland Zoo

I’m not sure if they started with the head injury or if I had always had them but this when I started remembering them. Delusions of grandeur. Dreams of carnage and destruction. I feel like I’ve always had them but I can’t be for sure. Dreams of stolen national guard tanks, covered in graffiti and topped by a lone lawn chair. Rolling through a smoldering ravaged landscape. What if the reason that you have always known violence was because you were destined for violence. I mean not me, I’m destined for love and happily ever afters , but someone else. What if your destiny is chaos and destruction? What if you were made for that shit? And instead of just going with your primal instincts, and being you, instead you just lay down and take a sip of the glass of Kool aid as you buy into the dream. Always thinking about the what ifs. Wondering what things could have been like had you just went left instead of right. Never feeling quite satisfied, left always with a thirst for someone you’ll never get. Starting a career. Getting a mortgage. Putting into your 401k. Preparing for the future with investments and stocks, portfolios and financial advisors. Working your fingers to the bone for an ungrateful employer who would replace you without hesitation, all the while missing out on many chances to actually live. And at the end? Death. Old and used up, with everything hurting, can’t even get hard anymore. Missing all your friends because they are either dead or in some old people’s home down in Florida or Arizona. Impatiently waiting for the reaper who takes you with a heart attack or a stroke and a fully stocked bank account. Which gets fought over and the divided amongst your family who couldn’t give 2 fucks about you when you were still alive and kicking. That’s the American dream? Where is the cocaine and hookers? If that’s the American dream then Ill just have to pass. Besides I wasn’t made for all that shit. That’s not where my destiny lies. Plus the American dream is a lie. A joke. Or maybe it’s all y’all who have become the joke. Claiming uniqueness with your different political parties, your left and right. Conservative and liberal. One hating the other, considering themselves superior to each other and all the while just 2 hands from the same ugly, beast. What is the point of having all of those political parties when only 2 really ever stand a chance of winning and that’s only if you believe in the whole balloting system.