My addictions are a trip. It’s definitely not an easy life, the life of the addict. We sure the fuck ain’t lazy. At least not when it comes to our hook, be it booze or Coke. Or meth, heroin, food, sex, shopping, the casino. Whatever addiction you got, regardless, you ain’t lazy when it comes to that. Do you know how much effort I expend in the pursuit of all the monkeys I have on my back? Cause that list up there? I got all of those, and then some. I’m chasing all that shit. Except booze. Fuck booze. That’s the worst one on the list by a long fucking shot. I gave more to booze then I ever gave anything in my entire life and look where I sit. Fuck booze. But really fuck all of that shit. I’ve been chasing something as long as I can remember. Or maybe it’s running from something? Whichever I’ve been running for a long fucking time. I’m kinda tired. Kinda. And that’s the thing, I’m a highly intelligent person. I mean not to tute my own horn or anything but I’m borderline genius. Just saying. So I am well aware of what is going on around me, what’s going on with me, all of it. I may not seem like it but I’m paying attention to everything. My mind works at a thousand miles an hour, all over the place but it’s gathering information like a computer and analyzing everything and then it gives me the choices. All of them mapped out with what can and most likely will be the outcome of the situation, which have almost all been spot on. But it also shows me the what ifs as well and I love the what ifs. And those are the ones that usually cause the most damage. They leave the biggest marks. And so with those big chunks of me missing I feel the overwhelming urge to fill them. With something. Fuck, anything. So at 41 years old here I sit. This must be my midlife crisis. I was always cool with the way shit worked out, I mean I didn’t like it necessarily but what can you do? So I was cool with it. But I’m not feeling so cool with everything anymore. I feel like some shit just needs to change. But wanting something to happen ain’t gonna make it happen. And I don’t see nobody else trying to change it so I guess it’s up to me. Or I just sit here and take it. Shut the fuck up and take it.
Published by devilmonkey666
I'm a hot mess. A 41 year old child who still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up. Or even if he wants to grow up for that matter. People say I'm a writer. I'm not so sure. But it is therapeutic and helps me from going all the way left sometimes. View more posts